Hello, I’m back and today I am going to be talking about the song “Rockstar” by the Canadian rock band Nickelback from their fifth album, All the Right Reasons (2005). Ahahah you thought I would be analyzing the song “Rockstar” by Post Malone ft. 21 Savage. Post Malone’s “Rockstar” did not even come close to having the cultural impact as Nickleback’s “Rockstar.” 

Before reading any further, all I ask is that you, the reader, listen to the song “Rockstar” by Nickelback- All the Right Reasons (Walmart Exclusive Edition) at least 10 times. You read that right at least 10 times and only the Walmart Exclusive Edition. The song is that deep. 

 Side Note: You youngbloods don’t understand the pain of buying songs 99 cents a pop at iTunes or buying CDs at the nearest retailer near you. 

Now that you, the reader, have listened to the song and had your life thoroughly changed. You are now ready for my examination of “Rockstar”.

Like all good stories, let’s start at the beginning. 

Background: 

Chad Kroeger was born Chad Robert Turton in Hanna, Alberta on November 15, 1974…. Scratch that is waaaayyy too back. 

The main crux you need to know is that Nickelback in the late 2000’s had been memed to death for being quote-unquote “bad”. 

Here are some examples of godawful memes from the late 2000’s 

I would include more memes, but I don’t want my beloved readers to develop stage 4 cancer. If you did develop a terminal disease from the pictures above, then I am truly sorry. But as the saying goes: the pursuit of knowledge is the most dangerous game.  

Another tragic aspect of Nickelback is that they were of a time that memes destroyed careers. Now (as of the writing of this article February 23, 2020) memes BUILD careers e.g (Doja Cat, bhad bhabie, The Backpack Kid, and countless others). 

Finally, look at this density map of Walmart presumably a 1:1 ratio of Walmart to Nickelback fans (Walmart Exclusive Edition). 

Does it look familiar? That’s right it is basically a 2016 election electoral map. 

What could this mean?? Does this mean correlation equals causation? Did the hate on Nickelback from the coastal elite predict the rise of Trump???? Is this a satirical take on how every single fucking article for the past four years tries to relate to the 2016 election no matter how tangentially? Who knows??

 Analysis 

Now, onto the meat and potatoes of this dissertation: a line by line commentary of the song “Rockstar” by Nickelback. 

The song starts off with Chad Kroegar’s current situation in life.

I'm through with standin' in lines to clubs I'll never get in

It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win

This life hasn't turned out

Quite the way I want it to be

As you can see Chad is not a happy camper. Then, the devil appears to offer Chad a deal. 

(Tell me what you want) 

Then, Chad starts listing off the excesses he envisions he will have as a Rockstar while the devil is egging him on.

I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs

And a bathroom I can play baseball in

And a king size tub

Big enough for ten plus me

(Yeah, so what you need?)

I need a a credit card that's got no limit

And a big black jet with a bedroom in it

Gonna join the mile high club

At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars

My own star on Hollywood Boulevard

Somewhere between Cher

And James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

After Chad lists off these nonsensical needs and wants the devil inquires by what means will he achieve his ends? Chad then says how will do it.  

I'm gonna trade this life

For fortune and fame

I'd even cut my hair

And change my name 

Chad is willing to do anything to become a Rockstar: the hardest choices require the strongest wills. Then, Chad details the life of debauchery as a Rockstar. It is quite disgusting and something I will not repeat on paper, however, it is worth listening to understand the tonal shifts. At the 2 min 36 sec mark, Chad progressively sounds sadder, filled more regret, and dare I say it filled with longing. This is something you will only get on your eighth listen. 

At the end of the song, Chad sounds more melancholy than at the beginning of the song. Chad hates what he has become.  

The members of Nickelback don’t live in a vacuum. They know their music is dogshit. This song demonstrates that they are self-aware and they know they have no talent. Nowhere in the song does Chad ask the devil to actually become a better musician. Chad understands the American appetite for their entertainers to live in a state of excess. Attain the lifestyle first and the success will follow. 

Chad made an astute observation and it is quite extraordinary that he was able to convey such a message in a 4 min 12-sec song.   

Critical Acclaim 

Right out the gate, the song was universally panned. 

"Rockstar" was listed at number 2 in BuzzFeed's list of the 30 worst songs ever written stating that: "If aliens came to earth and asked why everyone hates Nickelback so much, this song would be a perfect explanation." A 2008 Popjustice poll voted "Rockstar" as the worst single of the year. The Guardian's Peter Robinson claimed that the song was "...a Smack the Pony skit without the laughter track; ironic, given that Rockstar is one of the most unintentionally hilarious songs of the last few years. It is also one of the most confusing." He concluded his review by stating, "In summary, this song makes literally no sense and is the worst thing of all time."  

These critics are morons. Even I, a ten-year-old, listening to this song on my way to SeaWorld on a family trip understood the song’s satirical intentions. I may not have known what a “mile high club” was but I knew greatness when I heard it.

Like Van Gogh, “Rockstar” was too far ahead of its time and simply misunderstood. Now that 13 years have passed for the song to simmer and now there is a pushback finally understanding the song’s greatness. Look at this music critic praising “Rockstar”. 

“Like all masterpieces, “Rockstar” was too far ahead of its time and simply misunderstood.”-Bad Paper Jam’s freelance journalist Roberto Saldivar.  

Times are changing and they are finally changing in “Rockstar” favor.